Friday, December 03, 2004
Apprentice: Ivana Strips Because Look, It's Totally Unfair the Blonde Chicks Get the Attention!
Ivana Before the Fall
Apprentice: Well, she finally lost it. Not her mind, her cool, her compsure, her chances of winning, her respect, her credibility or her sense of self-confidence. Those were gone long ago, if Trump's Yooge Editing is to be believed. But this week, Ivana lost her skirt.
Ivana After the Fall
Unfortunately, this episode was, from start to finish, a showcase of what happens when someone like Ivana, according to the Yooge Editing, lets her insecurities overpower her common sense. Even taking into account how the producers likely egged her on to rag on the blondes, to give them some entertaining telly by just assassinating them in her spewing jealous vitriol (which was a lot of fun, actually. Her fem-bots impression of Jen was dead-on) and even knowing full well they pooled the clips together so that Ivana's mania seems to lead directly to her drouping her drawers like a college freshman with no common sense whatsoever, I was still a bit disappointed. I thought, if she could just chill the hell out, she could at least make it to the final four ahead of Sandy, who nauseates me to such a degree I can scarcely describe. She makes me want to club he in the forehead with a tire iron, CSI style, in some horrendously out-of-context party foul. I want to see her brain on the camera lens. So, Ivana imploded, and then to make matters worse, she imploded again in the boardroom. It's hard to imagine why these people can't have greater composure in there. Even if they are contractually required not to breach the fourth wall and refer to the camera, or comment on the reality show / entertainment factor that merely crafts a tenuous vapor of 'job interview' context around the whole charade, how could she not just sit back and declare that Trump's (and his Producers/NBC executives minders') own arbitrary logic for firing makes no damn sense anyway. He alternately rewards and condemns women for selling with sex or throwing childish, unprofessional tantrums in the boardoom, and then applies a different double-standard for the guys. Was Raj assailed for running around in his boxers while Kournekova pelted him with tennis balls in some sort of implied big game sprt fisting analogy? Is there any pretense that we aren't voueristically treated to shirtless men answering the phone and chickies in heels and skirts parading around? Come ON. The WAY she exploited herself, with such poor execution and result, and her inability to articulate why she did it, led her to look like a dipshit. But had Jen fed Wall Street Fraud Guys (that's from Hudsucker, kids) chocolate from her push-up bra, somehow I suspect that as long as she smirked while she did it in a "I own you" way, she'd get away with it. Ivana's downfall, much like her skirt drop, was a matter of style not adequately masking underdeveloped substance.
Best review reference of the day, from Ew.com's episode wrap-up:
"...When Jen and Sandy were sitting side by side in the van and playing poutily with maps and talking about how well their matching red tank tops and short denim skirts were going to help them sell candy bars, because people could ''buy some candy from the eye candy'' and the van driver piped up with ''And I can be the Candyman!'' and Jen made this sort of eh-heh noise and the Candyman looked like he could have pulled over right then and there and killed himself dead. It never stops being high school, does it?"
That was my favorite part. Zing!
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